Kom Saam | Come with me

Soms kan drome jou herinner aan gebeurtenisse wat jy so graag wil vergeet. In die jaar 2007 het ek vir die eerste keer oor jou gedroom, daarna sou daar nog twee drome volg…en toe was daar vir ewig ‘n stilte.

Hier volg my eerste verhaal oor my droomreise saam met my neef.

Mag jy rus in vrede.

(1988-2006)

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Ek staan voor ‘n huis. Iets aan die boustyl herinner my aan tipiese 1950’s Amerikaanse argitektuur. Daardie tyd toe mense nog gestreef het na gemiddeld 1.3 kinders, ‘n Labrador, ‘n swembad, ‘n vrou wat pligsgetrou haar dagtakies by die huis verrig. Die illusie van perfeksie. Dit herinner my aan ‘n lewe wat veronderstel is om eenvoudig en gelukkig te wees. ‘n Konsep wat my hart nie tans begryp of in glo nie.

Ek het geen idee hoe ek in hierdie alternatiewe realiteit beland het nie, maar die huis nooi my in. Daar is ‘n magiese geel glans wat die gebou omring en my herinner aan sorgelose sonskyndae, iets wat, ‘n oomblik gelede, so ver in die verlede gevoel het.

Ek hoor ‘n gelag en ligte gedruis van stemme vasgevang in gesprek. Die klanke kom aangedartel bo-oor die tuinhekkie en voor ek myself kan keer beweeg ek outomaties in daardie rigting en stoot die hoë tuinhekkie stadig oop.

Die eerste ding wat my oë gewaar is ‘n groot kristalhelder swembad in die middel van die erf. Die huis omring dit in ‘n tipe L-vorm en daar, tussen die skoonheid van struike en jollige klanke, is húlle, almal van hulle, my hele familie, uitgetof in 50’s gewaad. Mans elk met ‘n bier in die hand, vrouens laggend aan die klets en niggies en nefies wat op die gras rond baljaar, asof dit net nog ‘n normale Sondagmiddag is.

Absolute verwarring kreukel oor my neus.

Is dit dan nie 2007 nie?

Hoekom lyk julle almal so?

Wie se huis is dit hierdie?

Hoekom is almal so vrolik?

Asof julle my gedagtes kan hoor, draai julle almal om en staar reguit na my met ‘n strak uitdrukking op jul gesigte. Die doodse stilte amper tasbaar. Paniek gryp my aan die keel en ek wil weghardloop. My kop skree: “Kom hier uit!” Maar my voete is geplant en skielik, uit die niet, staan jý voor my. Jou breë glimlag wat skitter in die son.

“Wat, wat m-m-maak jy hier?” stotter ek. Glimlagte verskyn stadig op elke gesig voor my.

“Hey, my nig!”

Met die aanhoor van daardie bekende woorde spoel daar ‘n warmte oor my, ‘n tipe geluk wat my oorweldig. Ek spring vorentoe en omhels jou. Ek druk jou styf teen my vas, soos daardie laaste aand toe alles in my geskree het: “Moenie laat gaan nie!” en soos ons daar staan, met die hele familie se oë op ons, begin ek net te lag. ‘n Uitbundige lag van verligting, want jy is nie weg nie. Jy is hier. Voor my. Net hier! Ek wil vir jou vra hoe dit fisies moontlik is, maar voor ek ‘n woord kan uitkry sleep jy my nader.

Verby die famlie wat dadelik weer hul vrolikheid hervat het.

Verby die swembad waar klein Jacobus, Brend en Stean rond plas. Hulle spat my spelerig nat.

Verby Oom Jaco, my pa en Oom Natie wat luidkeels om die vuur staan en bier drink. Hulle knip-oog vir my.

Verby Elaine, Irma en my sussie wat in die son baai. Hulle steek vir my tong uit.

Verby al die tannies wat in wye rokke en sonbrille op wit yster tuinstoele sit en “chit-chat”. Hulle blaas soentjies.

Verby Oom Dirkie en jou pa wat rustig aan hul sigarette teug. Hulle waai vrolik.

“Stop! Waarheen is jy so haastig?” kry ek uiteindelik ‘n reguit woord uit.

“Kom saam met my,” sê jy.

“Nie voor jy vir my sê hoe dit moontlik is dat jy hier is nie! Was alles ‘n leuen?”

“Kom saam met my,” sê jy weer.

“Hoekom het jy vir ons gejok? Waar was jy die heeltyd?”

“Inge, kom net saam met my,” bly jy sê terwyl jy my aan die arm sleep.

In ‘n oogwink staan ek en jy op die huis se dak. Onder in die tuin gaan die joligheid voort. Die Weerkaatsing van sonstrale dans en spring bo-op die blou water van die swembad doer onder. Jy tree tot op die rand van die dak.

“Pasop!!!” skree ek so hard as wat ek kan, want hoe kan ek jou weer verloor nadat ek jou uiteindelik teruggekry het? Jy draai na my toe met daardie selfde glimlag wat my soms so grensloos kon irriteer. “Kom spring saam met my, nig.”

“Moenie simpel wees nie, man. Dis gevaarlik. Ons sal dit nooit maak nie.”

Jy begin op en af skud soos jy lag en hou jou hand na my toe uit.

“Vertrou my, Inge. Spring saam met my.”

Ek plaas my hand versigtig in joune, ons begin ‘n aanloop neem. Ek voel die wind in my hare…ek hoor jou lag…ek sien die dansende kabbels in die blou water…en voor ek kan keer…spring ek… en jy…hand aan hand…vir ‘n laaste keer…sáám…soos ek die plaveisel sien nader kom…en ons hele familie juig soos ‘n skare ons toe…

Ek ruk wakker in my koshuisbed. In my stil kamer. In die donker gang. Dis weer 2007. Jy is steeds weg. Ek is steeds hier. Daar is steeds ‘n leemte. Die familie is steeds in pyn. Die wêreld het sy glans en sonskyn verloor. Die wêreld is glad nie eenvoudig en gelukkig nie. En soos realiteit homself weereens huisves in my hart wens ek vir een kort oomblik dat jy my werklik kon vra om saam met jou te gaan.

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Sometimes your dreams are a portal to events you would rather like to forget. In the year 2007 I dreamt about you for the first time. Two more dreams would follow ... and then there was silence…forever.

Here is my first story about my “dream trips” with my cousin.

May you rest in peace.

(1988-2006)

I am standing in front of a house. Something about the building reminds me of typical 1950’s American architecture. That time when people still strived to have an average of 1.3 children, a Labrador, a swimming pool, a woman who conscientiously performing tasks at home. An illusion of perfection. It reminds me of a life that is supposed to be simple and happy. A concept that my heart does not currently comprehend or believe in.

I have no idea how I ended up in this alternative reality, but the house draws me in. The building has a magical yellow shine to it that makes me reminisce about carefree sunshine days, something which, a moment ago, felt so far in the past.

I hear the vibration of laughter and light voices trapped in conversation. The sounds float over the big gate leading to the garden and before I can stop myself I automatically move in that direction and slowly push the gate open.

The first thing landing in my line of sight is a large crystal clear swimming pool in the middle of the yard. The house surrounds it in an L-shape and there, between the beauty of shrubs and cheerful sounds, I see them, all of them, my whole family, dressed in 50’s wardrobe. Men each with a beer in hand, women chatting merrily and cousins playing around on the grass, as if it were just another normal Sunday afternoon.

Absolute confusion starts to ripple over my face.

Is it not 2007?

Why is everyone dressed this way?

Whose house is this?

Why is everyone so happy?

As if you can hear my thoughts, you all turn around and stare straight at me with a stark look on all your faces. The dead silence is almost tangible. Panic grabs me at the throat and I feel the urge to run away. My head is screaming: "Get out!" But my feet are planted and suddenly, out of nowhere, you appear before me. Your broad smile sparkling in the sun.

"What, what are y-y-you doing here?" I stutter. Smiles slowly appear on all the staring faces.

"Hey, my cousin!"

Upon hearing those famous words, a warmth washes over me and happiness overcomes me. I jump into your arms and hug you. I hold you tightly just like I should have done on that last evening when everything in me screamed: "Don't let go!" and as we stand there, with the entire family's eyes on us, I just started laughing. A boisterous laughter of relief, because you are not gone. You are here. In front of me. Right here! I want to ask how it is physically possible, but before I can say a word you drag me by the arm.

Past the family who immediately resumed their jovial mood again.

Past the swimming pool where tiny Jacobus, Brend and Stean is playing in the water. They are spraying it towards me.

Past Uncle Jaco, my dad and Uncle Natie who are laughing rambunctiously around the fire while drinking beer. They wink at me.

Past Elaine, Irma and my little sister who are bathing in the sun. They stick out their tongues playfully.

Past all the aunties dressed in wide skirts and big sunglasses chit-chatting on white iron garden chairs. They blow kisses.

Past Uncle Dirkie, and your father who drags on their cigarettes with great gratification. They wave cheerfully.

"Stop! Where are we going in such a hurry?” I finally manage to say.

"Come with me," you answer.

"Not until you tell me how it is possible that you are here! Was it all a lie? "

"Come with me," you say again.

"Why did you lie to us? Where were you the whole time? "

"Inge, just come with me," you say as you drag me further by the arm.

In a blink of an eye, we are on top of the roof. Down in the garden the festivities continue. The Reflections of sun rays are dancing and jumping on the blue water of the pool down below. You move to the edge of the roof.

"Watch out!!!" I scream as loud as I can, because how can I lose you again after finally getting you back? You turn to me with that same smile that sometimes irritated the living daylights out of me. "Come and jump into the pool with me, cousin."

"Don't be silly. It's dangerous. We'll never make it. "

You start shaking with laughter and hold out your hand.

"Trust me, Inge. Jump with me. "

I gently put my hand in yours, we start running. I feel the wind in my hair ... I hear your laugh ... I see the dancing blue water ... and before I could protest ... I jump… with you ... hand in hand ... for a last time ... together ... as I see the pavement come closer ... and the crowd in the garden cheers and applaud…

I suddenly awake in bed. In my quiet room. In the dark passage of the boarding house. It's 2007 again. You are still gone. I'm still here. There is still a void. The family is still in pain. The world has lost its sunshine. The world is not simple and happy at all. And as reality once again houses itself in my heart I wish for one brief moment that you could really ask me to come with you.